The sexually promiscuous woman, or skank, exists in many forms. However, the skank is often frowned upon by society, which leads the skank to adopt practices to shield or hide their skankiness. They’ll use excuses, they’ll lie, or they’ll use their sex to obtain something from you. Though each may have a different modus operandi, when all is said and done they have one thing in common…they’re easy.
10. The Craigslist SkankCraigslist should really be renamed Skankslist. The online classified site is a hotbed of horny girls looking to hook up. True, these days they are mostly professionals soliciting work, but nonetheless, countless lonely women still post casual encounter notices looking for no-strings-attached loving.
Craigslist makes it so easy to get laid. You don’t even need to leave your house, let alone buy the girl a drink. The Craigslist skank just wants sex. You don’t need to respect her, talk to her, or care about her. All you need to do is surf the web, write her some emails, and send her a pic. In no time, the Craigslist skank will be knocking on your door and rocking your world. Then she will leave.
9. The Foreign Skank
Every day scores of foreign chicks flock to the United States of America hoping to meet a nice American guy, settle down, and live the American dream. These types of girls are on a mission, and that mission is called Operation Green Card. The foreign skank will do and say whatever it takes to succeed. After all, her entire family back home is counting on her. She will quickly go from guy to guy, waiting for one who sticks. The foreign skank will lie, sleep with you, pretend they love you, and put up with your crap. Once the two of you are married, it's mission accomplished and her true colors will shine.
8. The Recession Skank
The economy sucks, unemployment is rising, and people everywhere are struggling. The recession skank exists by sleeping around, because the only currency she has is between her legs. She will move from guy to guy, simply for a place to crash and a hot meal. She will do anything and everyone to survive. The recession skank really does not have a choice in the matter and her actions should be excused. Her alternative is a life of hunger on the streets.
7. The “I’m On Vacation” Skank
When girls go on vacation they leave their morals at home. This is especially true when a girl travels outside of her own country. It’s like they’re in Vegas, meaning what happens away on vacation stays away on vacation. The girl on vacation is looking to get down and dirty and to do something she might not normally do. She’s looking to sample the local culture and have a good time. Being away from home means she is less likely to be judged by friends and family and more likely to take off those panties.
6. The Phony Skank
There is nothing worse than a phony skank. She’s the type of girl who has been sending signals all night. She’s dressed in a skimpy outfit, overly friendly, and
very touchy-feely. Not only do the two of you have a great rapport, it looks like it’s a sure thing she’ll go home with you. Then you go in for the kiss, and it’s like hitting a brick wall. She stops you in your tracks and politely explains that she “doesn’t do that.” Then she leaves and you’re stuck alone at the end of the night, having wasted your efforts on the faux skank.
5. The Reformed Skank
The reformed skank no longer practices her skanky ways. Those college days where she blew an entire frat house in one night are over. The reformed skank is most likely living the stereotypical perfect life. She is probably married to a boring, rich professional and has two blonde-haired adorable children. She’s probably conservative and religious. She’ll carpool, attend bake sales, and even host dinner parties where she’ll discuss how abstinence is the best way to practice safe sex. The reformed skank is living a lie. As the kids grow older and her husband’s eye starts to wander, the supposedly reformed skank will return to her wicked ways.
4. The Groupie Skank
The groupie skank is that girl who is obsessed with a dude’s talent. She may be the starf***er who sleeps with famous people to gain some self-worth. She may be besotted with a rock band and follow them around like a sick puppy and jump at the chance to make sweet music with any and all band members. Or she may be obsessed with the football team and bed the whole team to show her admiration for their winning ways. The groupie skank’s mind is focused on her object of affection. She will not pay attention to other guys. She has only one desire and will stop at nothing until she has fulfilled it.
3. The "I Totally Blacked Out and Don't Remember a Thing" Skank
The "I Totally Blacked Out and Don't Remember a Thing" skank will use memory loss as a way of shirking responsibility for her actions. Usually copious amounts of alcohol are involved. Her train of thought goes like this -- if I don’t’ remember what happened to me, then obviously I didn’t do anything. This act of constant denial enables this skank to keep her sense of self-respect, but it obviously doesn't cease her slutty behavior.
2. The "I've Never Done This Before" Skank
The "I've Never Done This Before" Skank is one of the most common types of skank. She’s the type of lady you take home, get intimate with, and once it’s all over will blurt out “I’ve never done this before.” Yeah, right. This is the ultimate example of "the lady doth protest too much." What she’s really saying is, “I do this every single night with a different dude.” Does she really need to tell you she’s never had a one-night-stand? No. The truth is most guys don’t care if she’s never "done this before." The only reason girls say something like this is so they feel less skanky than they actually are.
1. The Entrepreneurial Skank
The entrepreneurial skank is a smart skank. She uses her skanky ways to get ahead in life. There are three different types of entrepreneurial skanks. The first is the career professional that sleeps her way to the top. She is smart, talented, and ruthless. She will use her legs to gain promotion after promotion until she is the one in power. This type of entrepreneurial skank is not afraid to use her sex appeal to get what she thinks she deserves.
The second type of entrepreneurial skank is the gold digger. She will sleep around with the powerful and wealthy, hoping to snag a rich man who can look after her. These types of women are manipulative, calculating and cold. They only care about themselves and will use any method necessary to move up the social ladder.
The third type of entrepreneurial skank is a different sort of professional. She’s the type that gets paid for having sex. She works commonly as a prostitute or porn star. This type of skank has turned her slutty ways into a career. Though such a career choice may be frowned upon by society, the prostitute/porn star is usually unapologetic about their love of meaningless, promiscuous sex.
Did we miss any? What is your favorite type of skank?
Excerpt from Spike
