God Bless America!

 

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One of the greatest magazines known to man is Nuts Magazine.  Essentially it’s a British combination of Playboy and Maxim.  They never seem to fail on their women and yes, even the articles are somewhat interesting.

But let’s get back to the women.  When you’re featuring names like Lucy Pinder and Rosie Jones you’ve got yourself one hell of a foundation.  It’s like the British have the keenest eyes in the world for small frames, gigantic racks, and a willingness to pose topless.  I mean what the hell is better than that?

Not too much folks.  Not too much.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to gather up 10 steamy videos that are sure to excite the hell out of you on this fine day.

Enjoy 10 of the sexiest Nuts photoshoot videos out there

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These are some of my favorites from last night.

New Jersey Grandma Disgusted by Jersey Shore - Watch more Funny Videos

First of all, I’m scared of being a parent.  I’m scared because there are so many things that can go wrong.   And I’m not even talking about if I had a daughter.  But folks, let’s just say I did in fact have a daughter.  Could I handle periods?  No.  Training bras?  Not a chance.

There’s just no way I could possibly handle knowing a daughter of mine will eventually have sex.  Why do I bring this up?  Well, case in point the girl up top that you see marked 2004.   She couldn’t be more than 13-14 there right?

Um, now?  Let’s just see what happens to her shall we?

Warning: Fathers of 13 year old girls are gonna be pissed

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If there's one thing we like more than drinking, it's arguing about really stupid things, like who would win in a fight between actual saints and actual colts. Here's what it looks like when we do both at the same time:

 

Drunken Argument for the Saints:

 

According to Wikipedia, saints are holy dead guys that live in heaven.  There are also over 10,000 of them.  They're essentially ghosts, so we're talking about 10,000 ghosts.  That should be enough to convince anyone that a bunch of wobbly-legged colts would lose this fight, but it doesn't make much sense for a ghost to fight a scared little horsey.  Unless, of course, you think about every ghost movie ever made.  Ghosts aren't made of organic material.  Therefore, colts are unable to strike them.  This automatically takes the colts' offense away.  They're stuck playing defense, and if you know anything about colts, then you know they're nothing without their offense.  Ghosts are spooky, and the colts' defense is going to be rendered useless by the spookiness factor.  Horses get spooked and scatter like flies if you fart near them.  They're not going to be able to organize themselves enough to defeat the spooky saints in battle when they're running for their lives.  Not to mention: the saints are playing with St. George, the patron saint of war, and St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals.  This basically means that the horses are f*cked.  Any protection they thought they had is automatically gone, and they're up against a dead guy who's only purpose is war.  The saints are going to slaughter the colts on the battlefield, and the colts are either going to end up in the glue factory, eventually attaching Fruit Loops to my nephew's artwork, or the Alpo factory, and later in my dog's bowl.  Either way, the outcome is the same: the colts are going to end up in the stool of a living creature that I hold dear. That's right: poop. Saints win this one easily.

 

Drunken Argument for the Colts:

 

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There are some things that I've always struggled with in life: Professing love, admitting that I'm part robot, and confessing that I like to fight crime. Thankfully this card does it all for me.

Ok, ok. So I'll have to correct the gender on the card, but come on! No product is perfect. [Etsy via The Daily What]

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