I took the subway to work for over 3 years and I think it’s safe to say I will not miss any of it. The only possible thing I might miss is seeing a hot chick here and there, and maybe a talented performer.

While I appreciate the subway as a great mode of transportation, I could not stand it. It’s just an awful experience. And for those of you who don’t ride the subway, this video is a good reminder of why you probably shouldn’t.

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Jerry Jones (and Texas taxpayers) spent $1.2 billion constructing an opulent state-of-the-art multi-use arena that's perfect for concerts, soccer matches, trade shows, Promise Keepers rallies, and even football games—provided that you don't allow either team to punt.

Forty million of those dollars went to the installation of a massive 160-foot long, 90-foot high HD video board that dominates the airspace above the field. And in a surprise twist that no one could have seen coming, it took only one game to learn that an average NFL punter can easily smack the thing on a routine kick. Titans backup A.J. Trapasso hit it in the third quarter of their preseason game last night. Starter Craig Hentrich said he hit it half a dozen times in warmups and estimated that half the league's kickers wouldn't be able to punt normally in that building.

Jones isn't buying that, however. He says the board has "entertainment value" and has no plans to move it higher. (There probably isn't room, anyway.) Plus, Jones is convinced that the only danger is a devious punter with no regard for the laws of football who would intentionally try to hit the thing.

"If you look at how you punt the football, unless you're trying to hit the scoreboard, you punt the ball to get downfield. You certainly want to get some hangtime, but you punt the ball to get downfield, and you sure don't punt the ball down the middle. You punt it off to the side."

"How high is high if somebody just wants to sit there and kick straight up?"

Yeah, why would a punter ever want to kick a ball ... up? That's not the Cowboy way, I tell ya.

Titans kicker exposes problem in Cowboys Stadium [ESPN]
Jerry Jones: The scoreboard isn't budging [Dallas Morning News]

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Click on the photo for more sexy kitchen girls

I’m not sure what it is, but there’s just something about a hottie stripping down into nothing but an apron and covering herself in brownie batter that makes us feel like men again.

More men making feelings at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

The Portfolio

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The Phillies cantankerous pitcher Brett Myers is attempting to bounce back this season to inject life into the team's depleted bullpen, but first he has to let his eye socket heal after it landed on a fist.

Myers was scheduled to do a rehab stint in Clearwater, but sat out because his eye was still swollen, an injury he first said was the result of playing catch with his son. Lie! No, the truth was he got the shiner from stumbling out of his wife's Escalade (lie!) after having a couple beers (lie!).

But the real truth, according to the Bucks County Courier Times, is that Myers cruised down to Jacksonville to see his family then went out that night to Shannon's Irish Pub to watch guitar-slingin' crooner Chuck Nash mumble through vanilla alt-rock because that's what people do in Jacksonville on Friday nights.

So Myers and his wife are there (still together post-punching) and Myers is, most likely, maxin chillaxin at the Pub while Nash plays a killer version of "Gravity" and then a fight broke out and he was accidentally bopped in the eye. Completely not his fault because Brett Myers is a peaceful guy who walks away from situations like this because he's a professional and would hate to jeopardize his career with such foolishness. (Lie!)

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Impressive stunt! Mind...blown.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

 

Where You've Seen Her: Gina Carano is one of the best female MMA fighters in the world, and hands down the hottest.  Aside from her MMA career, she's been in American Gladiators as well as the game Red Alert 3 as Natasha Volkova.  Unfortunately, she recently lost her much anticipated fight against rival Cris Cyborg in an intense and well-balanced match.  She fought damn well, though, and is WAY sexier than Cyborg.

 

Pointless Quote: "They like to keep you down so they can get more out of you for your money.  But fans don't lie.  When they're all chanting your name, you know they're supporting you."

 

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 We create comics pretty frequently here at Holy Taco, but we recently realized that we hadn't done one in quite a while, so we decided to dust off our comic book chops (google image search and photoshop) in honor of our favorite NFL Star turned Dog-Torturer turned NFL Star Again, Michael Vick, on his adventure-filled first day as a Philadelphia Eagle.

 

 

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("Cris? Do you think that maybe *I* could be on top tonight?"
"Get a decent win streak together and we'll talk." Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Practical jokes are like knockout punches — they both rely on timing for maximum devastation. Cristiane and Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos understand this better than anybody. Who knows why they'd want to give Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker a heart attack the night before an already cursed event, but  oh boy did they get him:

The Strikeforce promoter is usually calm and cool under the worst of circumstances, and the weeks leading up to the show featured plenty of them, as several matches had to be rearranged for various reasons. But he thought he had a nightmare scenario on his hands the night before the show.
 

At about 9:30 p.m. on Friday night, on a show where every major match but the main event fell apart, Coker got a phone call from the Santos camp. They were apologetic, saying that they had no idea beforehand, but that when the commission was testing Santos, they found out that she was pregnant and the fight was off. Coker fell for it…though later he was told it was a prank. Good thing for Coker – and for Santos.

Too bad we couldn't be there to see Coker's reaction. We're guessing it looked something like this.

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Hey look, I’ve heard of weddings taking place at Taco Bell.  I’ve heard of McDonald’s weddings and even one that took place at a garbage dump.  But usually there’s some kind of story behind it.  And despite the fact that it’s ridiculous to get married at one of these places, at least if there’s some sort of reason, one might be able to justify it (though I can’t).

However, there are just some people out there who are simply….how can I put this delicately?  MORONS.  Complete and utter morons.  The dresses, the truck, the plows, are all just part of this ridiculous gallery of white trash weddings.

I really don’t understand people.

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 Nowdays, being homeless is more competitive than ever. Only the most clever and creative signs are going to get people to let go of their precious spare change. This makes for some pretty awesome homeless dude signage.

 

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Some people are fans of the Dallas Cowboys. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Dallas Cowboys. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. Their new stadium will rape your wallet multiple times over. Some of the new features of Jerry Jones' (YEEEEEEHAWWWWW!) $1.2 billion Cowboys Stadium include carpeted floors (whee!), the world's biggest LCD screen (fer watchin' all dem big plays!), and a retractable roof. Oh yeah, there's also the $60 pizzas, and the $35, standing room only Party Passes the team is selling to an estimated 35,000 people PER FUCKING GAME. In other words, any time you attend a Dallas Cowboys game this year, nearly one third of the people in the stadium will be trying to take your fucking seat. Keep in mind that the city of Arlington approved $325 million in bonds to help in the construction of this thing. The new Cowboys Stadium is the football equivalent of the new Yankees Stadium: a painfully expensive, unnecessary luxury stadium that replaced a perfectly useful old home, partially paid for by taxpayers with the sole purpose of extracting more money from fans, perhaps at the expense of the home team's on-field success.

2. If I have to hear Berman say "How bout them Cowboys?" one more god damn time… Seriously, Jimmy Johnson. FUCK YOU. Just because you won the NFC title against the 49ers back in 1993 didn't give you license to coin a phrase that would stay in the football lexicon forever and ever, well past the point of tolerance. Not only does Berman use this phrase every week, but he does that thing he also does whenever he talks about the Raiders where he adopts a bizarre kind of baby talk voice. So it sounds kind of like, "Heh bet dem Caaaabayyyys?" I fucking hate this. I wish Berman were anally raped with a curling iron.

3. I'm an American, and I did not ask for this team. Speaking of annoying terms associated with the Dallas Cowboys, the phrase "America's Team" was coined by NFL Films VP Bob Ryan in 1979 because he needed a catchy title for the team's 1978 highlight film. That's the reason this team has been forced down America's throats now for the better part of three decades. Some asshole decided, "Hey, everyone loves the Cowboys!" then the media followed suit, then a bunch of fair-weather asshole fans adopted the team as their own. As a result, the Cowboys belong to the dreaded Yankees/Lakers/Cowboys axis of sports douchebaggery. If you root for two of those three teams, YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND SOCIETY WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF YOU WERE STRANGLED AND LEFT FOR DEAD IN A RAVINE. There's a reason every time a Cowboys fan calls into a radio station, they must always add the prefix "longtime" to "Cowboy fan" while declaring their affiliation. It's because no one believes them.

4. They won't even have a chance to choke away a playoff spot this year. While the rest of the division improved, the Cowboys were fit to stand pat with Wade Phillips (he of the 0-4 playoff record) as head coach. They also did virtually nothing to their roster, with the mild exception of adding LB Keith Brooking. In short, this is the exact same team as the one that shat the bed last year. Only thinner at wideout.

5. Always remember: Michael Irvin once stabbed a guy in the fucking neck with scissors. I can't stress that point strongly enough. There are so many reasons to loathe the Cowboys. They get more media attention than they merit. They attract numerous, annoying douchebag fans. They're from Texas. That one guy from Slate likes them, even though he doesn't actually like them. Goddamn Drew fucking Pearson fucking lucky prick. But above all, Michael Irvin is an attempted fucking murderer. Fuck that guy, fuck the Cowboys, and fuck Dallas in the chaps.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit.

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Is Jessica Leigh just another real estate agent?  Of course not.  She’s a full time model but that doesn’t mean the 24-year-old beauty doesn’t own the right to try and sell you a house once in a while.  And if I were looking for a house you can be sure she would be the agent I would select to help me with my search.

I’d also let her help me with the plumbing as long as she wore ass crack jeans.  What else would I let her do?  Eh, given my wife is probably reading this I should stop right here.

Better just get to the pictures

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Any Questions?

Most people think of attics as a place to stash boxes of Christmas ornaments and dusty boxes of mementos. Follow the example of today's featured workspace, and the attic becomes a place for 8-core workstations and Rock Band sessions.

If we had to guess how Lifehacker reader edgefactor627 came about the idea of having such a pile of goodies in his attic, we'd have to go with him having a strong desire to serve as a beacon of fun for the whole neighborhood, drawn to the signal of condensed awesomeness in the highest room in his house.

No matter what the motivation, the end result is a workspace that has plenty of personality—tartan carpet anyone?—and lots of space for work and play. On one end of the room is a MacPro 2009 with 8 cores, hooked up to dual 24" displays and a Wacom Intuos tablet. On the other end of the room is a couch, 1080 HDTV with surround sound, and a Rock Band station complete with drum set. Check out the pictures below for a closer view and the link to his Flickr set for additional photo notes.

If you have a workspace of your own to show off, throw the pictures on your Flickr account and add it to the Lifehacker Workspace Show and Tell Pool. Include some details about your setup and why it works for you, and you just might see it featured on the front page of Lifehacker.

The Attic Playground [Lifehacker Workspace Show and Tell Pool]

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Is it an alien desert crop circle made from cars and campers? Some kind of ancient civilization uncovered by freak dust storm? Truth be told it's neither, actually:

It's Burning Man 2005!

Giz reader Dean sent in a slew of aerial photos from the event four years ago after reading our post on the retro rocket being erected in Nevada this year.

These pics are cool because, as many of you know, we dig airplanes here at Gizmodo. And Burning Man, it just so happens, has had its own fully functional airport since 1999.

That's a good thing, believe you me, because it gives us some nice bird's eye shots of this immense event:

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