Jerry Jones (and Texas taxpayers) spent $1.2 billion constructing an opulent state-of-the-art multi-use arena that's perfect for concerts, soccer matches, trade shows, Promise Keepers rallies, and even football games—provided that you don't allow either team to punt.

Forty million of those dollars went to the installation of a massive 160-foot long, 90-foot high HD video board that dominates the airspace above the field. And in a surprise twist that no one could have seen coming, it took only one game to learn that an average NFL punter can easily smack the thing on a routine kick. Titans backup A.J. Trapasso hit it in the third quarter of their preseason game last night. Starter Craig Hentrich said he hit it half a dozen times in warmups and estimated that half the league's kickers wouldn't be able to punt normally in that building.

Jones isn't buying that, however. He says the board has "entertainment value" and has no plans to move it higher. (There probably isn't room, anyway.) Plus, Jones is convinced that the only danger is a devious punter with no regard for the laws of football who would intentionally try to hit the thing.

"If you look at how you punt the football, unless you're trying to hit the scoreboard, you punt the ball to get downfield. You certainly want to get some hangtime, but you punt the ball to get downfield, and you sure don't punt the ball down the middle. You punt it off to the side."

"How high is high if somebody just wants to sit there and kick straight up?"

Yeah, why would a punter ever want to kick a ball ... up? That's not the Cowboy way, I tell ya.

Titans kicker exposes problem in Cowboys Stadium [ESPN]
Jerry Jones: The scoreboard isn't budging [Dallas Morning News]

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Click on the photo for more sexy kitchen girls

I’m not sure what it is, but there’s just something about a hottie stripping down into nothing but an apron and covering herself in brownie batter that makes us feel like men again.

More men making feelings at Uncoached’s Facebook Group

The Portfolio

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The Phillies cantankerous pitcher Brett Myers is attempting to bounce back this season to inject life into the team's depleted bullpen, but first he has to let his eye socket heal after it landed on a fist.

Myers was scheduled to do a rehab stint in Clearwater, but sat out because his eye was still swollen, an injury he first said was the result of playing catch with his son. Lie! No, the truth was he got the shiner from stumbling out of his wife's Escalade (lie!) after having a couple beers (lie!).

But the real truth, according to the Bucks County Courier Times, is that Myers cruised down to Jacksonville to see his family then went out that night to Shannon's Irish Pub to watch guitar-slingin' crooner Chuck Nash mumble through vanilla alt-rock because that's what people do in Jacksonville on Friday nights.

So Myers and his wife are there (still together post-punching) and Myers is, most likely, maxin chillaxin at the Pub while Nash plays a killer version of "Gravity" and then a fight broke out and he was accidentally bopped in the eye. Completely not his fault because Brett Myers is a peaceful guy who walks away from situations like this because he's a professional and would hate to jeopardize his career with such foolishness. (Lie!)

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Impressive stunt! Mind...blown.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

 

Where You've Seen Her: Gina Carano is one of the best female MMA fighters in the world, and hands down the hottest.  Aside from her MMA career, she's been in American Gladiators as well as the game Red Alert 3 as Natasha Volkova.  Unfortunately, she recently lost her much anticipated fight against rival Cris Cyborg in an intense and well-balanced match.  She fought damn well, though, and is WAY sexier than Cyborg.

 

Pointless Quote: "They like to keep you down so they can get more out of you for your money.  But fans don't lie.  When they're all chanting your name, you know they're supporting you."

 

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 We create comics pretty frequently here at Holy Taco, but we recently realized that we hadn't done one in quite a while, so we decided to dust off our comic book chops (google image search and photoshop) in honor of our favorite NFL Star turned Dog-Torturer turned NFL Star Again, Michael Vick, on his adventure-filled first day as a Philadelphia Eagle.

 

 

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("Cris? Do you think that maybe *I* could be on top tonight?"
"Get a decent win streak together and we'll talk." Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Practical jokes are like knockout punches — they both rely on timing for maximum devastation. Cristiane and Evangelista "Cyborg" Santos understand this better than anybody. Who knows why they'd want to give Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker a heart attack the night before an already cursed event, but  oh boy did they get him:

The Strikeforce promoter is usually calm and cool under the worst of circumstances, and the weeks leading up to the show featured plenty of them, as several matches had to be rearranged for various reasons. But he thought he had a nightmare scenario on his hands the night before the show.
 

At about 9:30 p.m. on Friday night, on a show where every major match but the main event fell apart, Coker got a phone call from the Santos camp. They were apologetic, saying that they had no idea beforehand, but that when the commission was testing Santos, they found out that she was pregnant and the fight was off. Coker fell for it…though later he was told it was a prank. Good thing for Coker – and for Santos.

Too bad we couldn't be there to see Coker's reaction. We're guessing it looked something like this.

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