True, the only people who should matter in a relationship are you and her. But everyone in her life will have an opinion about you, and an unfavorable verdict can cause trouble. Here's how to earn rave reviews while staying true to yourself.
1. Her Best FriendThe fear: You're another jerk. She'll notice immediately if you have anything in common with previous jerks. She may be standoffish at first, warns LaDawn Black, author of
Let's Get It On: 15 Hot Tips and Tricks to Spice Up Your Sex Life.
Your plan: Work on befriending her, but be genuine, says Black. Take an interest in her problems. Offer thoughtful, honest opinions. Listen when the two gal pals talk about boyfriends past. "You'll be able to find out what the other men did wrong," says Leil Lowndes, author of
How to Talk to Anyone.
2. Her Friendly ExHis fear: He'll be shut out. Coffee dates that were once his domain will be ceded to you, sparking his fear that he'll be totally forgotten.
Your plan: Her ability to have a friendship with a former flame shows that she's mature, so don't act suspicious—you'll look jealous and insecure. "Make him feel as if he's part of her life without always inviting him along," Black says. Example: Giving him a shout-out when they're on the phone together can let them both know that you don't feel threatened.
3. Her Cat The fear: You hate cats. While Mr. Whiskers has no say (we hope) in the relationship, don't think she won't notice if the cat runs the other way when you come over. "Most animal lovers, especially women, see their pets almost as children, so if you don't share her love, it can be difficult for the relationship to move forward," says Susan Logan, the editor of
Cat Fancy magazine.
Your plan: Let the animal sniff you, and then slowly scratch it under the chin or behind the ears. Ask your girlfriend to let you feed the cat to help it form a positive association—you visit, kitty eats!
4. Her Mother The fear: You'll hook her little girl and then hit the road.
Your plan: If her parents are still together, ask her mother how they celebrated their 25th anniversary or what they're planning for their next. It shows you're not a commitment-phobic cad, Black says. If your girl's birthday or an anniversary is coming up, involve her mom in the planning. You're so thoughtful!
5. Her Father His fear: You won't be able to give his daughter the life she deserves. Even if she has her own career, "most fathers still want to know that their daughters will be taken care of," Lowndes says.
Your plan: Don't talk salary—it screams insecurity. Instead, ask his opinion on a financial matter, such as the stocks he's been following or what he considers the best move for retirement planning. Aside from flattering him, you'll make it clear that you're a financially responsible person who is planning for the future.
