Essential First Date Etiquette

By: Steven Shaw

Going on a first date can be a nerve-wracking experience for a lot of men. They worry about what they should do, how to dress, what to say, whether they should play it cool or not, plus a myriad of other thoughts rise up to turn even the most serene of men into a nervous, sweaty palmed wreck. The first date does not need to be such an ordeal, though -- it can be lighthearted and fun. It's important to make a great first impression to help ensure that your first date will be just the beginning. Today, we are going to look at a few things you should consider essential to making that first date a great experience for you and your date. It can be difficult to practice proper etiquette without crossing the line into perceived chauvinism or just being rude. Fortunately, we’ll help guide you through this potential minefield with our guide to essential first date etiquette.

Smell good and take pride in your appearance

This point so important that it deserves to be spelled out in full: you must be clean and presentable at all times -- especially on a first date. It is almost guaranteed that the woman you are with will have spent a lot of time agonizing over her outfit, and she will have put considerable effort into looking fabulous. You should return the compliment by making sure that you don’t turn up for your date looking like you just completed five rounds of a mixed martial arts fight.

Ensure that your outfit is clean, that your clothes are pressed and that your ensemble complements your body type. Ensure that it is coordinated and classy. Once you have your outfit selected, make sure you groom properly. By doing this, you are showing your date considerable respect; not only is this essential first date etiquette, it also means your date won’t be embarrassed to be out with you.

Be nice to her and everyone else

Again, while this may seem like an obvious suggestion, it is surprising how many men are mistaken in the belief that being cocky and dismissive of others will make them more attractive -- they believe these are the qualities of an alpha male. Well, they are wrong.

An alpha male will stand up for himself, but he does not do this by being rude and abrasive. He is calm, polite and demonstrates inner confidence, which means he does not need to insult others to feel better about himself. When on a first date, it is essential that you remember this. Do not be rude to your date, be considerate and charming. When you are interacting with others, remember to introduce her and treat them as you would wish to be treated.

Pick her up and get her home

It is a sign of respect and a part of essential first date etiquette to go out of your way to pick her up before your date and to drop her off afterward. Of course, she may insist on meeting you at the venue, but whether you pick her up or not, do not keep her waiting -- this is disrespectful, and unbecoming of a gentleman.

Good manners are equally important when the date comes to an end, and getting her home safely is your first priority, whether that means driving her home yourself (in which case, be chivalrous and do not expect to be invited in) or simply making sure that she gets into a taxi. If she does get into a taxi, make sure she calls or texts you to let you know she got home safely.

Hold the door open and hold her chair

Holding the door open for someone is a very courteous gesture and cannot fail to win you points on a first date. Like most things, though, there are rules: do not race your date to the door, as this looks desperate and validation-seeking. Instead, make a mental note that if you reach the door first, you hold it open to allow her to pass through. If she reaches the door first, you can also reach over and hold it open, allowing her to walk through as well. Holding her chair for her as she sits down is rarer, but is still a great act of chivalry. Using these two gestures in tandem is excellent first date etiquette.

Switch off the your mobile and Bluetooth

This is another important rule that many men ignore to their detriment. When you're on a date, the person you are with should be the complete center of attention. In order to avoid leaving your date sitting awkwardly while you are talking to someone on the phone, switch it off. Again, doing this constitutes basic good manners, and is all the more important when you are on a first date and are keen to make a good impression.

Some men may feel that getting a lot of phone calls and messages makes them seem important, but effectively, you are telling your date that she is less important to you than whatever is happening on your phone. It is quite hard to be less chivalrous than you are in interrupting your conversation with her to chat to someone else. If you absolutely must keep the phone on, advise your date that you may be getting an important call and ignore nonessential communications.

Pay without being obvious

On a first date, the splitting of the bill can often be an awkward and uncomfortable moment. It is unlikely that either party will have felt comfortable raising the issue earlier on, and it can seem mean and selfish if you insist on her paying her way. On the other hand, some women feel that being paid for is old-fashioned, and this may even make them feel obligated to see you again.

In order to bypass any of these uncomfortable situations, seize the initiative by paying in a subtle and non-ostentatious manner. For example, give the waiter your credit card at the start of the evening, so that everything is taken care of without discussion. If your date insists on paying her share, don’t be ungracious, but most women will be grateful that you have cleverly avoided that awkward end-of-date moment.

Ask questions and don't talk to her breasts

Our final piece of advice is to ensure that you know how to make good conversation. To do this, listen carefully to what your date is talking about. Listen for key words and phrases that give you clues on what she really enjoys talking about. Ask intelligent questions, but avoid making it an interview.

Be prepared to have your own view on things and don’t simply parrot what she has said -- this can appear sycophantic. An absolute essential part of making good conversation is to pay attention to her face. Make lots of good eye contact (but don’t stare, as this will seem creepy), and really show interest in what she has to say. Do not, under any circumstances, start talking to her breasts -- that’s pretty offensive.

THE FIRST DATE IS THE DEEPEST

Your performance on the first date can determine whether or not a girl considers you a creep or a keeper. Don’t fret, though, simply follow these rules and you’ll be on your second date before you realize it.

Excerpt From AskMen