What Her Underwear Says About Her

You can tell a lot about a girl by the style of underwear she chooses.  Is she married?  Is she a money-grubbing whore? Could she kick your butt in a fist fight?  Her underwear holds all the answers.  Unfortunately, there's no solid answer as to how to see her underwear in the first place, but if you manage to get a glimpse, here's what her underwear says about her:

 

Boyshorts

 

 

Boyshorts are cute and sexy, and yet they're comfortable and versatile enough to wear to a slumber party with your other cute girlfriends where you all get into a pillow fight that you videotape and then send to us.  During this pillow fight, the boyshorts girl will be the one who takes it a little too seriously and ends up injuring another girl by hitting her too hard with a pillow or couch cushion, or maybe even a table lamp if she gets too carried away.  This is because girls who wear boyshorts are sporty tomboy chicks, which means that they're basically your dream girl, because they're cute and playful, they can keep up with the dudes in a flag football game, and they can chug a beer faster than you can.  Either that, or they're a fat chick who wears boyshorts because they make her ass look normal-sized.  Here's a quick way to differentiate the two: if she can climb a single flight of stairs without wheezing like Keenan Thompson on a treadmill, then she's the good kind of boyshorts girl.

 

Who Sports It

 

 

Thong

 

 

Fact: a girl who's wearing a thong wants you to check out her ass.  That's why she's wearing a thong.  Y'know how sometimes you wear those visor caps, the ones that are like a baseball cap but without the top?  Well, the reason you wear those is because you're in an environment where it's socially expected that you wear a hat (i.e. - the beach, a baseball game, etc.) but you still want to show off your full head of healthy hair.  Otherwise, you'd just wear a baseball cap, right?  Well, that's exactly how a thong works, too.  She's wearing it because she wants you to see what it reveals.  Some people will say, "Nu-uh!  She's wearing business slacks or a skirt that fits tightly around the hips, and he has to wear a thong with that because otherwise you'll see the panty line through the fabric and it'll look very shitty and unprofessional!"  I have a simple, well-studied response to that argument: BULLSHIT.  She wants you to look at her ass and that's all there is to it, and if she wants us to look at it, then isn't it rude not to admire the view?

 

Who Sports It

 

 

Granny Panties

 

 

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