How To: Pretend You're Listening to Your Girlfriend

 

It's eight o'clock tonight, and you've got a computer, a television set, a cell phone, and a paused game of Skate 2, all grappling for your attention.  The last thing you feel like paying attention to is your girlfriend, and whatever trivial matter she's decided to complain about.  There's a difference between your girlfriend and all of those other things, though: if you don't pay attention to her, she'll totally leave, and that would suck. That doesn't mean that you actually have to devote your attention to her, but you'll have to figure out how to make her think that you're focusing on her, rather than the action-packed finale of Whale Wars that's blaring in the background.  Here are some helpful tips to get you started:

  

Blink Frequently
 

Blinking is your way of telling the rest of the world, in a bold yet silent voice: "I am conscious!"  Use this to your advantage.  Women love it when a man remains conscious during a conversation.  Blinking consistently is a great way to tell them that you're both alive and awake.  Try not to focus too much on it, though, as overly excessive blinking can be distracting, and even signify health problems or brain disorders, and you do not want your girlfriend thinking you're retarded.  With some practice, you should be able to blink naturally while your girlfriend is complaining to you.

 

 

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