The 7 Deadly Sins of Sharing a Bathroom

When you're sharing a bathroom with a roommate, spouse, or girlfriend, there are tons of rules of etiquette that come into play.  Everyone knows the basic rules, like changing the toilet paper roll when it's empty, and using pre-designated towels so that you don't get a faceful of your roommate's ball juice the next time you dry off, but there are rules that are far more important than that.  These are The Seven Deadly Sins of a Shared Bathroom:

 

Leaving Coagulated Piss on the Toilet Seat

 

 

Nobody can be blamed for imperfect aim.  Even Maverick missed a shot in Top Gun. It happens to everyone, but you can be blamed for not cleaning up your mess.  If you piss on the toilet seat, back, side, or any other part of the toilet that doesn't come into contact with flush water, it's your responsibility to eliminate the evidence.  If you happen to find yourself in a "Cleaning Up Someone Else's Piss" scenario, the ideal circumstances will consist of fresh, completely liquid piss.  It's a simple wipe-up job that's relatively low-risk, and you can still yell at your roommate for it.  If the piss is dry, you're going to have to forcefully scrape that brown, smelly gunk off the porcelain. This dried, coagulated piss gunk is most likely going to be located on the toilet bowl's taint, which is the area located just behind the seat and in front of the tank, usually where the toilet manufacturer's logo is.  Scraping dried piss off of any taint is never an enjoyable chore, especially when it's not even your piss.

 

Neglecting a Floater

 

If you're ever going to look at shit, it's best to view when it's as fresh as possible, preferably in a well-ventilated outdoor area with some beautiful landscaping nearby.  Staring at a 5 hour-old shit in a pool of swampy toilet water, on the other hand, is not an ideal viewing situation.  The general rule is this: if you shit in a beautiful rose garden or rainforest or something, it's okay to make your roommate look at it, but if it's just in your toilet, you gotta flush that down, pronto.  Also, make sure that the flush takes, because the only thing worse than encountering a floater is being shit-ambushed by a ninja floater that's lurking like a moray eel in the toilet pipes, waiting to pounce on the first unwitting visitor to disturb its pool of shitty doom.

 

Getting Pubes on the Soap

 

 

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[Excerpt From HolyTaco]